Obviously, we’re big fans of Cebu. You could even criticize Zerothreetwo for hardly saying anything bad about our favorite place to live, but we aren’t blind. Cebu has its fair share of little and not so little problems.

In fact, here are 99 Problems in Cebu:

1. No sidewalks.

2. What used to take 5 minutes now takes 15 minutes. Traffic is starting to pile up.

3. Lack of public transportation. Wouldn’t it be cool if we had a train? Bus stops?

4. Relying too much on small roads. Giant trucks entering small roads and blocking traffic.

5. Too many people driving cars. Imagine if more people took a bicycle?

6. Have you taken a boat in the pier lately? Look at the water. Mactan strait needs to be cleaned.

7. Where’s a shop with awesome affordable sandwiches?

8. Undisciplined drivers!

9. When a typhoon hits, you are still expected to show up for work.

10. No one walks.

11. It’s too hot for that awesome hoodie you want to wear.

12. Potholes and more potholes.

13. No real city parks.

14. There are crappy muddy roads.

15. No consistent water in many mountain areas. Busay anyone?

16. Fun runs always have a running-through-garbage portion.

17. No good concert venue.

18. All the good concerts are in Manila anyway.

19. Which means spending a plane ticket AND a concert ticket for that band you really wanted to watch.

20. You can’t decide on which coffee shop to hang out in.

21. You can’t decide on which tea place to hang out in.

22. No nice coffee shops or tea places in Downtown.

23. Bicycle and motorcycle lanes. There are none.

24. One minute the bright sun is shining through then the next minute torrential rain out your window. WTF?

25. Unggo runners making us feel bad for not exercising. Good on them!

26. Cebu is getting bigger. No one wants to go from Guadalupe to Mandaue anymore.

27. Is this a one way road or a two way road?

28. Playing hide and seek with the parking guy in IT Park.

29. Remember when parking was free?

30. Free Wi-Fi!!! Oh wait… it’s so damn slow.

31. Lack of direct flights.

32. The airport is too small. The new one can’t come soon enough.

33. People who complain about Cebu now. I get it. It used to be so much better. Zzzzzzz.

34. Poor Junquera and their bad rep.

35. Why does renting out a banca seem so complicated?!?! Why do the prices differ soooo much?

36. Can’t we just agree on which one is the best lechon in Cebu?

37. Let’s be honest. If you like alcohol, it’s difficult not to drink and drive in Cebu.

38. One lane roads masquerading as two lane roads.

39. Lots of homeless begging for stuff… so sad.

beggars cebu

40. All the good public beaches are at least an hour away North or South.

41. All the good beaches in Mactan are private beaches or in resorts.

42. Choose one: a smaller VECO bill or air conditioning at night.

43. Did you know there are jeepney stops in Cebu? We couldn’t tell either.

44. People still throw trash out their car windows. WE NEED TO STOP THAT!

45. All the best places don’t have enough parking.

46. Small accidents on the road causing kilometres of traffic.

47. Kung batig nawng, kawatan. Kung gwapa, kleptomaniac.

48. What the North Reclamation Area could have been.

49. What the South Reclamation Area better not be.

50. Getting traffic tickets. Do you have to pay for those or not?

51. Are they allowed to take your driver’s license?

52. No left turn policy controversy.

53. Dagan! Naa’y towing! *Watch as your car gets towed away*

54. SRP Talisay lights don’t stay on at night.

55. Gas is more expensive here than Manila. What?!?!

56. March is fire prevention month. Why are there more fires in March?

57. Lack of marketing or advertising job opportunities.

58. Overpasses that are short term solutions to a long term problem.

59. Not enough government satellite offices.

60. Not enough wedding venue options.

61. All the best local music is still from 10 years ago.

62. The MBA was the best. Go Gems! #WhereAreTheyNow

63. Lack of sport teams and events in general.

64. Lack of support for the local art industry.

65. Lack of support for the local music industry.

66. Lack of support for the local movie industry.

67. Lack of support for the local literature industry.

68. Lack of support for the local industry PERIOD.

69.The notion that imported means higher quality.

70. Seriously… learn to support local. Like really support local.

71. Everybody has an opinion. Everybody.

72. Sinulog is too crowded!

73. Sinulog is becoming an excuse to party and get druuuuuuunk. It’s not all about that.

74. Road construction in AS Fortuna.

75. Road construction in North Reclamation.

76. Road construction PERIOD.

77. When will all the road construction end?!??

78. Some of those roads didn’t even need to be fixed!

79. Ferrari is not just a car.

80. Parking your car under the heat of the sun and sweating as soon as you close the door.

81. People who complain about the heat.

82. People who complain about the rain.

83. People who complain about the flooding. Uh… actually scratch that. They have a point. Damn flooding.

84. Speaking of flooding… When it rains, prepare to take a swim in drain water.

flooding in cebu

85. There is only one food truck. It mostly stays in one place.

86. Why are there just one or two good authentic Mexican restaurants???!?

87. All the good Cebuano music artists leave.

88. Some of the best restaurants are the hardest to find.

89. Your car getting hit by fireworks in New Year’s Eve.

90. You used to know everybody in this town.

91. Even good things come to an end.

92. Affordable healthy food options? Nevermind… let’s just go to Jollibee.

93. A little applause after a musical performance wouldn’t hurt.

94. We need to come up with a consensus on why there are different Red Horse faces.

95. Getting a new driver’s license. Oh man.

96. Going to the DFA. Oh man.

97. Going to the NSO. Oh man.

98. There’s a difference between good street art and just plain vandalism.

99. Sitting in the worst part of the jeepney.

Carlo Villarica

If you want to hear more from me, I publish a weekly newsletter called Monday Musings — a set of recommends and thoughts I had that week, subscribe here. Or follow me on instagram @sobermusings.

 

 

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